Every post, every word set down is a spell I am casting to root out my fears, the demons that have held me. The demon within. The stones that sunk me into a suicidal depression. That everyday and every word is a gift and a choice to remain.. to never let go. To stay. To be alive and to share these things, these secrets that I thought made me so weak… and they did when I kept them to myself for fear of ridicule, or judgment. But I was the only judge, the only one defaming myself.
So I share as an action against my Ego. As an action against my fears. The fear that the past is not in the past. A day to expand and remain. Because I haven’t told you everything yet. Because I want to, because I don’t have to be alone. I don’t have to remain frozen, petrified. I can survive and revive my core, return to myself and the loved ones in my life. Whom I regarded as incapable of handling the truth, cause I did not want to upset them, for them to feel responsible. Or that in some way it was their fault.
It has been a hard year. A really hard year. I have shed more tears than I ever imagined and I have moved forward in some parts of my life and back in others. But I keep waking up. I keep getting out of that bed. Which is less of a bed and more a mat. But I don’t want it to be too welcoming, too comfortable. It is for sleeping. That is all.
I am breaking through this I am taking action to change my life for the better, the highest good for all concerned in my life and community. Today is one of those days. I must seek out my purpose. Make my own way, follow my own values not rely on others to provide a path. I am a firebrand, a trail blazer, a light bearer. And I and only I am going to carry that light where I want it to go. Wake up, Wake up they say but what do they mean. This is what they mean… stop following and start leading your own life. LEAD YOUR OWN LIFE. I am leading my own life. I following the truth in my heart and soul to bring goodness, truth, honesty, love and empowerment to myself and all whose life I am connected to..maybe it is a few scratched out words, an image, a ear to listen, a prayer to keep you going, to see you as you struggle to release and be. to show up in your life, to make it how you dared to dream it would be. To allow for anything to happen, to allow yourself to take charge and be the change you want to see in the world. To embrace this life completely, to be in it. With it, holding hands with it through all your triumphs and woes. But you are holding it firstly, and then it squeezes back. Now you know you are on track.