I have bouts of depression.

I suffer from depression.

I am depressed.

I don’t even know how to phrase it anymore. Tonight it bites at my heels, alcohol could sometimes shake it… change it. Now even when drinking I am completely lucid and upset that there is no reprieve from this state. I would never wish this upon anyone else. Ever. The time I feel I have lost because of this… the way I feel…the months of inaction and lack of contact.  Not inescapable anymore, but prevalent. It is the kind of thing that I imagine feels like being punch in the gut.. it takes the wind out of you. This wind is more often something I myself have spent days and days inflating with every breathe of my being. So when it sucks away it also drags away all that effort and the very substance I have been building myself up with. Damn it. I just want it to end. Not my life anymore (which is a miracle) but this feeling, this experience of life or rather this interpretation of life. I never admitted it, I did’t want anyone to know. Exercise my brother says.. well that doesn’t dispose of it either. No matter my health, my wealth, my friends, there it lurks. Mine to abolish.

Mine to abolish.

Mine to dissolve.

Mine to release.

God give me the strength.

God give anyone anywhere the strength.